My Dreams

I think I am someone who is caught between reality and dreams. These two are extreme ends in life for me right now. I do not know if they would ever intersect for me. They may, they may not.
All my life, right from childhood I have just been looking towards my dreams; building new dreams every other day.
They have been growing with me, changing with me, taking new shapes with new realizations. They have grown a thick haze in front of me that I cannot imagine a life beyond them. A life without these dreams is no life for me. I have
grown up with hopes that one day these dreams will turn into reality and life would be wonderful forever. This has
been my outline of a happy life. When I look at this life, it seems so cheerful, so full of fun. It seems to me to
be my only path to eternal joy.
But now I am feeling tired of chasing these dreams. I have been running all the while, but still they seem distant.
The distance seems to be forever the same. Tired, I turned around to look at reality. It was so close. I can just
reach out for it. It has probably been following me all the while I was running behind my dreams. It is smiling at
me. But it does not look so cheerful and happy , especially when I look at it after looking at my dreams. It has a
smile I cannot decipher, but I am feeling scared ot it. I don’t understand what it means. It eludes me. Not knowing
what reality is makes it more and more scary. And I tend to run away from it.
But now where do I go? Dreams seem forever away and Reality is scary. Do I settle for reality or do I continue my
chase for my dreams hoping they would one day turn into a sweet reality?

My Mood Swings

It often comes to my mind to scrap my thoughts. I used to do it when I was upset. But jotting them is an effort and moreover it takes time and loads of patience. I prefer speaking it out to some dear friend or just to my other twin (I am a Gemini and I have other twin or rather twins). Scrambling with words is also a thing of past. I hardly ever get to use my pen now. Scrambling with pieces of code is in. No pens and pads…just keyboard and the mouse.
There hardly is anything new in life. I am now subjected to daily routine. Get up, go for a walk if it early enough, take bath and reach office, check mails, sip coffee, start work, have lunch, work, sip coffee, work, come back, pull in rotis and push them in and sleep. That hardly leaves a chance to bring a change anyplace. I don’t know why, but I continuously crave for change. I am always in a ‘am bored yaar’ state until and unless I don’t have anything to keep my mind occupied. More than my body, my mind needs exercise. To keep it fit, I have to supplement it with some mind blowing act. There are times, when it is confused, baffled at the smallest things happening, sour and sad about the people around. I know everyone faces this. Only difference, I think is that, I face it bit too often. One moment I am happy, then something makes me sad, then the next moment I find something interesting and I am happy again. The frequency and abruptness of these spells, makes people call me moody. This is the time; I know my mind is tired. It needs rest, its own form of rest. It means I don’t like any activity around to distract it. It likes to sit quiet and reflect back over what is happening and what has happened, to check whether everything is going right. It is in these moments that I chalk my path into the future.